Future Directed

There are so many amazing stories of the olympic atheletes. On Saturday, a woman figure skater's mom died unexpectedly of a heart attack after arriving in Vancouver. Within twelve hours of the mother's death, the skater was on the ice, and her father was in the stand, watching her practice.

Oten life does not go in the direction one wants and there is little that can be done about it. Nevertheless, this skater, despite this awful life-changing event, will still skate, not for herself, she said, but for her mom, who will have the best seat in the house.

What does this blog have to do with collaborative family law? Well, some of my clients are on the receiving end of a divorce, meaning that they do not want to be going through a divorce, with similar emotions akin to a death. Why can they 'skate' during this difficult time? My only thought, after getting to know these people, is that they have amazing ways to handle stress, and during difficult times, they have an amazing will to keep going, looking to the future, rather than dwelling in the past. They tend to be very future oriented, opting to push forward, learning from the past, but not wishing to go backward.

I find it helpful to remind clients to continually work hard at formulating a support network to assist with the intense need to grieve, enlisting the services of a professional if necessary. Whenever the feeling to look back and get sad, mad, or scared enters their thoughts, this support network is there to assist. While their emotions are tempered, they can best deal with the life transition facing them. For some, the emotions that can hamper many people facing divorce, are managed successfully. Others need this support network to assist in keeping the divorcing person moving forward to their 'new' life, post-divorce.

Thank you to all who have ever helped these divorcing people and thier families through their life transitions. A special thank you to my sister, Lori, for being my support ten years ago when I went through a divorce.